Awesome Pitches for Terrible Books

I participated in a "bad log line" contest. 

If only these books were real...


1. Squirtsy Turtle

Squirtsy Turtle delivers nonstop nuggets of delightful goodness in this scratch-and-sniff and lift-the-flap adventure that is sure to nurture curiosity in your little one. Follow Squirtsy’s trail of "surprises" through the most unexpected of places!

I am a creative freaking EAGLE!

I am a creative freaking EAGLE!

2. Snoozerella

An alluring yet demure young scullery maid dreams of life beyond polishing floors, de-fuzzing her step mother's sweaters, and grooming the family’s Shih Tzu. But on the night of the speed dating adventure that is sure to alter her life forever, our heroine impulsively decides to stay home to apply temporary tattoos, watch Gilmore Girls reruns, and power-eat kettle corn.

3. Docu-Dram-Rom-Com

The bachelorette party of a lifetime up-ends Katia’s night, her budding marriage, and most societal norms when troupes of stripper nuns and exotic dancing “policemen” simultaneously arrive in this rollicking gender-bending, poly-amorous thrill ride that will leave you breathlessly wondering what happened—and with whom—long after this docu-dram-rom-com is over!

4. Total Garbage

In a far away land, in a place where time has lost all meaning, two soldiers of fortune are locked in a battle against the forces of nature and brought to the edge of their wits–armed only with a water wienie–as they endeavor to unclog the toilet whose single flush alone will purify the universe.